Use this quiz as a fun opportunity to evaluate your own level of ability to be intimate, and to challenge yourself to take action to deepen your relationship with the one you love the most. Give your spouse a unique and lasting gift this year: a commitment to take action on several of the components of intimacy listed below. Rate yourself on a 1 to 10 scale, with 1 as “out of tune”; a 10 is “deeply intimate” (or “very accomplished”) for each item.
Time together: I take the initiative to plan and prioritize time alone with my spouse on a weekly basis.
Problem resolution: I take care to resolve problem areas quickly so as to not let them build up or create distance or tensions between us.
Withdrawal: I do not often withdraw from the relationship in ways such as being too busy, reading, TV, alcohol, drugs, too much time with friends, sports or activities, being sullen, angry, irritated or “pouty”.
Emotional deposits: I thoughtfully and purposefully make “emotional deposits” in my spouse’s account by kind words, compliments, gifts, remembrances, doing things for, being patient, keeping my word, etc.
Fun times together: We regularly do things together that we both classify as “fun”.
Blame: I refrain from blaming my partner for problems, and take responsibility first for my part.
Trust: My partner can count on me to do what I say and keep his or her interests at heart.
Commitment: I am deeply committed to this relationship and to nurturing and caring for my spouse.
Communication: I know and practice healthy communication, especially when we are having problems.
Space: I do not control or try to control my spouse and encourage his or her differences and uniqueness.
Sex: Our love-making occurs in an atmosphere of emotional closeness and reflects our feeling of intimacy. It is by mutual consent, communicative, safe, of satisfactory frequency, and mutually pleasurable.
Plans and goals: We have plans, goals and interests in common, and review them occasionally.
Listening: We nurture each other by careful listening and by empathetic understanding.
Eggshells and off limits: I do not have to “be careful” when talking, and we have few or no subjects which are “off limits” for discussion.
Balance: There is a healthy overall balance in giving and receiving in our relationship.
Notice that few of these items have much to do with “feelings”. Love is better described as the caring things you do. A score of 150 makes you a “genius” at intimacy. The less your score, the more your “challenge” to work toward a closer, deeper relationship. Start today. After all, you only live once!
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